Ok, maybe that title is inappropriate. This isn't so much about how to apologize as it is about how to get out of a situation where you need to apologize. Here's an example: Your girlfriends thinks that you're cheating on her. You aren't. She says that she won't break up with you, but you need to apologize. The issue is that you didn't actually cheat. Well, here's the guide to how to get out of all such issues.

1. Find girlfriend

2. Say ' I'm sorry.'

3. Problem solved. Who cares that you didn't cheat? She forgives you.

          Now, hopefully some of you saw the fatal flaw in that plan: If she thinks you cheated on her, she will never shut up about it. It can start to be a major pain in the ass and it's definitely something that you want to avoid. Solution? There are two.

1. Find girlfriend.

2. Say ' I didn't cheat, so I'm not sorry.'

3. Get dumped, most likely.

          Most people won't go for that solution, because they're afraid of being dumped. Which is why I left out the version where you say 'To hell with this, we're done.' Personally, I don't see why people are so worried. You get dumped, you get a new girl. How hard is that? And besides, if it's a chick that doesn't trust you when you said you didn't cheat, she's obviously not worthy of making you a sandwich. But, for those of you that would rather keep the relationship. here is the meat of this article, the bullshit apology.

1. Find girlfriend.

2. Say ' I'm sorry this happened.' or ' I'm sorry you got hurt.'

3. Problem solved.

          See, in a situation like that, the chick is just looking for an apology. She's not going to notice if you're not actually apologizing for what she claims you did. You should try to keep the apology so that it still makes sense in the context of what you're being accused of. Even the dumbest of blonde chicks would be able to catch your trick if you said something stupid. Also, avoid saying something like ' I'm sorry you think that.' or 'I'm sorry you feel that way.' This will always cause the girl to go into a complete bitch fit.

          This can be applied to pretty much any situation. So there you go, now you all know how to bullshit an apology, so I'll hopefully see much less of you assholes whining about how someone is making you apologize for something you didn't do. Now you can just bullshit an apology, and the whole problem is done. If you're a chick, you didn't read that article.