Introduction to topic. No need for the introduction to actually introduce anything, it just needs to be there as a reason for the reader to keep reading. For most ranters it fails, but for me it keeps succeeding. (please note, at this point most people will quit reading, just to prove me wrong).

          First issue about topic brought up. Discussed briefly but it eventually leads to talking about something else. Usually something humorous, but some ranters just can't accomplish that. Those ranters end up just going off topic, saying something random and hoping that the randomness itself will cause laughter. It rarely does.

          Second issue is brought up. It's usually a slightly bigger annoyance to the ranter than the first. This is in the tradition of saving the best for last, which is supposed to cause the reader to read on, looking for something better. Again, most ranters fail at this, and again, I never do.

          Third issue is mentioned. You've got four paragraphs now, so this can be the last issue if you want. It's usually the biggest problem. There are usually less jokes in this paragraph and more outrage. This is because as the biggest problem, the ranter is more angry about it than the others. Showing enough outrage will draw people in as most people get turned on by somebody with an opinion. Not enough outrage and people will laugh at you, while too much outrage will cause people to miss the humour of the article.

          Now you're allowed to type your outro. This usually has a few jokes in it and multiple insults directed toward the reader. It ends abruptly and angrily, so as to not look like a report. So now that you've read all that, you'll be able to write your own rants. First 3 people to follow this format and send it to me get their rants posted.