The Miley Cyrus Interview

         I must say, I absolutely despise Miley Cyrus. She can't sing, she can't dance, she can't act, and she looks like a complete moron on stage with those ugly shorts. The only reason she's famous is because of her dad. Who also sucks, by the way. She's so shitty that her name isn't even a real name according to FrontPage's spell check. However, she was the only 'celebrity' who had nothing better to do than talk to me, so I ended up with an interview.

Miley: Hi Chris! I'm glad to be here!

Chris: That's good to know. Should I call you Miley or Hannah?

Miley: Either one is good.

Chris: I'll go with Hannah. It's slightly less ugly than Miley.

Hannah: Um, ok. So what do you want to know?

Chris: What's it like achieving fame because of your father?

Hannah: I like to believe that that just helped and that I'm a good singer.

Chris: You believe that. Do you plan to follow in the footsteps of Paris Hilton?

Hannah: What do you mean?

Chris: Are you going to keep using your daddy's fortune to be famous until finally nobody likes you and eventually you end up needing to be a whore just to get some attention?

Hannah: Well I guess if it comes to that.

Chris: It will. Do you ever plan to have an audience not comprised of 9 year old girls?

Hannah: Actually, my show is for the 12-15 age bracket.

Chris: Do you ever plan to live up to that bracket?

Hannah: What magazine did you say you were from?

Chris: Thanks for the interview!

          So, as you can see, Miley Cyrus has absolutely no plans for her life. She plans to cater to either the 9 year old girl audience or the horny 40 year old man audience. Either way, her life is being wasted. She could be doing something much more productive. Like making me a goddamn sandwich. Shit, I'm hungry.